IKEA has some great furniture. No one is disputing but when it comes to putting that furniture together everyone who’s ever bought an item from IKEA knows that there are some truths that are standard no matter what piece you happen to have. For everyone who has ever been frustrated by an IKEA piece of furniture, here are some things that will be familiar to you.
How Could That Many Pieces Fit in That Small of a Box?
Seriously. How could the box hold that many pieces? It seems impossible when you pull everything out and look at just how many pieces there are – somewhere in the neighborhood of 46 billion – it seems like the box would almost have to be magical to hold all those pieces.
Organizing All of the Pieces Takes More Time Than Shopping for the Furniture, Assembling the Furniture and Using the Furniture the First Year
Organizing all of the pieces is going to take you a long time. The thing is, they don’t say anything about how long it takes to get all of the pieces organized so that you can start assembling the furniture. The time frame that IKEA furniture gives you on the box is very misleading and you should make sure your fridge is fully stocked before you begin.
Dowels Never Stay in Place
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you screw them into place the dowels are never going to stay where they need to. It’s like the person that drilled the hole in the person that made the dowel were working with two different measurement systems.
Dowels Would Be Less Fragile If They Were Made Out Of Blown Glass
If you were to screw dowels made out of blown glass or perhaps heavy-duty tissue paper they might be more sturdy than the ones that actually come with your IKEA furniture.
When Two Pieces of Furniture Fit Together, One Piece Was Made by a Drunk Monkey with a Saw
You know that when you have two pieces that are supposed to fit together that they are never going to match up in a million years. Perhaps the person that designed this particular piece of furniture thought it was an art project and that all the pieces could be whatever dimensions he or she chose.
Why is the Screw That You Need Always the Last Screw That You Find (And Usually You Are Sitting on It)
It never fails. Even if you are looking fora screw identical to the one you just put in, the very last screw the you come across is going to be the one that you need but you’ll probably try to put one in there that doesn’t fit anyway because the odds are astronomical that none of the 432 screws that you’ve tried so far fit.
Why IKEA Furniture Parts Are Designed to Puncture Your Feet
It is inevitable that you are going to step on something with your bare feet at some point in the construction operation and is going to puncture you. That’s just how IKEA furniture parts are designed. You might as well have an EMT on standby before you start building that desk because you’re going to have to call them eventually anyway.
Husbands and Wives Have Divorced over IKEA (We Assume)
You’ve got to have the most solid relationship in the world before you begin building an IKEA piece of furniture together. IKEA furniture building would be the hardest and final event of the relationship marathon game show if such a show existed. If you can survive putting together IKEA furniture then you both might as well have an affair because your relationship can survive anything. (We are only kidding. Don’t have an affair.)
IKEA Furniture Will Fall Over If Anything Larger Than a Previous Drives Past Your House
Sure, that desk looks sturdy now but just wait until you walk up to it and try to sit down at it. You might as well make your desk out of a deck of cards because it will stay up longer than your IKEA furniture.
When You Are Done, You Will Always Have Put a Piece on Wrong
You’re done. You can breathe a sigh of relief. You have completed your task in the last 132 hours was all worth it because you have a brand-new desk, dresser or table. But wait! That piece that is on the inside – you know the piece that is hardest to reach right now –that’s the piece that you put on backwards and it isn’t going to work unless you fix it. You might as well get your disassembling face on because you’ve got some work to do still.
No Matter How Perfect Your Piece of Furniture Looks, You Will Always Have Pieces Left over
It doesn’t matter if you put together your piece of furniture as carefully as possible and double and triple checked every single piece that you put on, you are going to have some pieces left over. They are going to be on pieces that don’t seem to go anywhere on your completed piece of furniture. We suspect that it is because IKEA makes a few pieces that don’t fit and chucks them in every box just to confuse everyone. You’ll spend the next eight hours trying to make 11 pieces that don’t seem to fit anywhere go on your piece of furniture.